(Author's note: I saw the trailer for Mysteries of Pittsburgh, and flew directly off the handle. We should all be used to this by now.)
Here's the story: Character X loses their job, their live-in leaves them, and the only thing they have to comfort them is their quirky sense of humor, their indie street-cred, and their group of super-wacky friends. But hey, you say, awesome, because that's cool, they're Michael Cera, they're Seth Rogen, they're Zach Braff, and now they'll just go on a voyage of self-discovery and get a very pretty girlfriend. It's not their fault, it's the system. No one taught them how to be adults, let alone adult men, so they get a bye. They can look how they want, act how they want, abdicate any sort of human responsibility they want, it's cool.
Now imagine they're a chick.
She couldn't hack it at her job? Too bad, deadbeat. She's not...shall we say...conventionally attractive? I'll bet she finds some gorgeous, sensitive guy to burn her CD's and love her for herself! Too fucking bad, he's nailing Mena Suvari in another movie. She's angry at the status quo, she can't find herself, she's got a huge stack of comic books and Frank Zappa vinyls, she makes jokes no one gets. Crazy. Goddamn. Bitch.
I'm sick of this shit. I'm sick of the artists of our generation forgetting that there's another half of us, who are expected to suck it up and carry on, who don't get the benefit of Holden Caulfielding-out, who don't give a shit about Gossip Girl or who the hell isn't that into them, because let me tell you, it's everyone, who are getting by on the scraps and patches of these bullshit indie-rock fantasies in which every girl is beautiful and loves you for being an endearing loser and makes you mix-tapes, and can't find the story of themselves in anything.
I want someone to make my movie.
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
So I went on vacation...
And I came back and I lost my job. For reasons that I mostly don't want to talk about because, well, mostly I don't want to talk about them. I loved my job, I loved our mission, but I don't think anyone that talked to me over the last year missed the fact that there were problems, and it's an understatement to say that I'm not relieved to be done with them.
So I'm unemployed, and it's weird. For the longest time now, I've just been throwing myself into problems, pushing past everything that happened, and this is a really sudden period of enforced inactivity. Yes, I'm worried about my career, of course I'm worried about money, but I think more than anything I'm overwhelmed by finally having to take the time to think. I can now, within a certain amount of reason, go anywhere I want. Of course, New Orleans is at the top of the list. I have no reason now not to go back. I can start my life over, anywhere I want.
And I went back to Rhode Island for a while. I can't help but think of the last time I was at my mother's house without a job, three years ago, and boy, is that ever something I don't want to relive. It's different now, though. For one thing, there is, I can't help thinking, the chance that I might actually be able to get another job. Shocking, I know.
Some things I've learned about unemployment:
1.) America's Next Top Model is always on TV. Always.
2.) There are some jobs that no one is qualified for. Show me the person who can run the accounting department, the IT department, and the development department for an entire organization, and do it part-time, and do it for less than 30K a year, and I will show you Aladdin's goddamn genie.
3.) Job websites do not update faster than I can apply for jobs. I applied for 25 yesterday, and now I don't have anything to do today.
4.) Having bronchitis is an excellent way to avoid boredom. Also, see number 1.
5.) Tyra Banks becomes exponentially more annoying as the seasons progress. If they get to season 20, we're going to have to nuke Los Angeles to save society as we know it.
6.) I find having unrealistic goals for my enforced down time helpful. This week's goals have included: writing a novel, becoming an Iron Man, becoming a commercial fisherman, joining the NYPD, becoming an eco-terrorist, or going rogue and becoming a hitman.
7.) Or an X-man. I would love being an X-Man.
And with that thought, I'm out. I think it's the good season of ANTM at 2.
So I'm unemployed, and it's weird. For the longest time now, I've just been throwing myself into problems, pushing past everything that happened, and this is a really sudden period of enforced inactivity. Yes, I'm worried about my career, of course I'm worried about money, but I think more than anything I'm overwhelmed by finally having to take the time to think. I can now, within a certain amount of reason, go anywhere I want. Of course, New Orleans is at the top of the list. I have no reason now not to go back. I can start my life over, anywhere I want.
And I went back to Rhode Island for a while. I can't help but think of the last time I was at my mother's house without a job, three years ago, and boy, is that ever something I don't want to relive. It's different now, though. For one thing, there is, I can't help thinking, the chance that I might actually be able to get another job. Shocking, I know.
Some things I've learned about unemployment:
1.) America's Next Top Model is always on TV. Always.
2.) There are some jobs that no one is qualified for. Show me the person who can run the accounting department, the IT department, and the development department for an entire organization, and do it part-time, and do it for less than 30K a year, and I will show you Aladdin's goddamn genie.
3.) Job websites do not update faster than I can apply for jobs. I applied for 25 yesterday, and now I don't have anything to do today.
4.) Having bronchitis is an excellent way to avoid boredom. Also, see number 1.
5.) Tyra Banks becomes exponentially more annoying as the seasons progress. If they get to season 20, we're going to have to nuke Los Angeles to save society as we know it.
6.) I find having unrealistic goals for my enforced down time helpful. This week's goals have included: writing a novel, becoming an Iron Man, becoming a commercial fisherman, joining the NYPD, becoming an eco-terrorist, or going rogue and becoming a hitman.
7.) Or an X-man. I would love being an X-Man.
And with that thought, I'm out. I think it's the good season of ANTM at 2.
Friday, January 2, 2009
What I Talk About When I Talk About 2008
Instead of the 365 posts I had originally planned for, I actually came up with 27. So that's 7.3% of my goal. My new rallying cry is "2009: Double digits or bust!".
Rejected rallying cries have included "2009: Don't be stupid, of course it can get worse", "2009: Karma is a bitch", "2009: No crying in public!", and my personal favorite "2009: The chickens come home to roost".
As I've said before, at glorious, gin-soaked, runny-nosed length, this year sucked moose cock. All the moose cocks, actually. In fact, I honestly believe that is safe to say that 2008 performed oral sex on every single male mammal in the Western hemisphere. And it used its teeth. But it wasn't all bad, Emily, comes the reply. No, it wasn't all bad. Here's the good stuff that happened:
1.) I went to Hawaii. It was awesome and gorgeous and awesome and I saw a bunch of whales and went snorkelling and drove a minivan up the side of a volcano. I didn't believe that there were really places that beautiful in the world, and now I do.
2.) Obama won. Praise Jesus, Obama won. After sweating bullets of pure blood for two goddamn years, our man finally won and now he's going to ride in on a unicorn and save us all.
3.) My friends were great. All of you, and you know who you are, who called and emailed and facebooked and came to New York to visit and kept on hanging in there when it would have been just as easy to go to ground and lose my number, thank you. It was a long year, and you were there to help me through it.
4.) I kept one of my New Year's goals from last year, and saw a bunch of bands this year, most of whom had "radio" in their names. 2008 was a good year, at least, for my music collection.
5.) Speaking of collections, who's got two thumbs and all the goddamn cousins in Beautiful Katamari? This girl, baby. Shut up, it's a major achievement.
6.) I worked really, really hard. Despite everything, I'm proud of the work I did, I'm proud of the money I raised, and I'm very proud of the appeals I wrote and the events I ran. I do the work that I do because I believe in our cause and I'm committed to our mission, and I know that the work I've done this year has contributed to it.
And the bad stuff? Blah blah blah lonely, sad, boyfriend left, family is crazy, job sucks, christ it's cold, Sarah Palin is not a feminist, no sex ever again ever, I miss New Orleans, crazy boss, here I know I'll have a panic attack, did I mention lonely?, no raise, no promotion, overdraft fees, everyone is so far away, what's that light outside my window, all I did was stuff envelopes and cry, blah blah blah fishcakes. Let's try and put all this unpleasantness behind us, shall we?
2009's Goals, Resolutions, and Things to Keep in Mind
1.) You have to save yourself before you can save the world.
2.) Three drinks is plenty. Really.
3.) Take everything off autopay.
4.) It's not my responsibility to take care of people. They can take care of themselves, and if they can't, there's no time like the present to learn.
5.) Keep going to the gym.
6.) Cry less. Swear more. Get the hell out of this town.
Rejected rallying cries have included "2009: Don't be stupid, of course it can get worse", "2009: Karma is a bitch", "2009: No crying in public!", and my personal favorite "2009: The chickens come home to roost".
As I've said before, at glorious, gin-soaked, runny-nosed length, this year sucked moose cock. All the moose cocks, actually. In fact, I honestly believe that is safe to say that 2008 performed oral sex on every single male mammal in the Western hemisphere. And it used its teeth. But it wasn't all bad, Emily, comes the reply. No, it wasn't all bad. Here's the good stuff that happened:
1.) I went to Hawaii. It was awesome and gorgeous and awesome and I saw a bunch of whales and went snorkelling and drove a minivan up the side of a volcano. I didn't believe that there were really places that beautiful in the world, and now I do.
2.) Obama won. Praise Jesus, Obama won. After sweating bullets of pure blood for two goddamn years, our man finally won and now he's going to ride in on a unicorn and save us all.
3.) My friends were great. All of you, and you know who you are, who called and emailed and facebooked and came to New York to visit and kept on hanging in there when it would have been just as easy to go to ground and lose my number, thank you. It was a long year, and you were there to help me through it.
4.) I kept one of my New Year's goals from last year, and saw a bunch of bands this year, most of whom had "radio" in their names. 2008 was a good year, at least, for my music collection.
5.) Speaking of collections, who's got two thumbs and all the goddamn cousins in Beautiful Katamari? This girl, baby. Shut up, it's a major achievement.
6.) I worked really, really hard. Despite everything, I'm proud of the work I did, I'm proud of the money I raised, and I'm very proud of the appeals I wrote and the events I ran. I do the work that I do because I believe in our cause and I'm committed to our mission, and I know that the work I've done this year has contributed to it.
And the bad stuff? Blah blah blah lonely, sad, boyfriend left, family is crazy, job sucks, christ it's cold, Sarah Palin is not a feminist, no sex ever again ever, I miss New Orleans, crazy boss, here I know I'll have a panic attack, did I mention lonely?, no raise, no promotion, overdraft fees, everyone is so far away, what's that light outside my window, all I did was stuff envelopes and cry, blah blah blah fishcakes. Let's try and put all this unpleasantness behind us, shall we?
2009's Goals, Resolutions, and Things to Keep in Mind
1.) You have to save yourself before you can save the world.
2.) Three drinks is plenty. Really.
3.) Take everything off autopay.
4.) It's not my responsibility to take care of people. They can take care of themselves, and if they can't, there's no time like the present to learn.
5.) Keep going to the gym.
6.) Cry less. Swear more. Get the hell out of this town.
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